Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
