Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
