The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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