Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
