Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
