We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
