i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
