Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
