Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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