It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
