the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
