Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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