Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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