Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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