Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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