i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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