Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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