no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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