i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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