all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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