in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
