I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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