if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize