erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I touched a dick in church today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
