ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
