8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize