I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
