On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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