The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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