If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
