But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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