I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
