wat bout pragnant strippers??
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
