so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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