He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
