you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
