im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
