i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize