theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
