I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
