you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
