I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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