someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
bring money and cleavage
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm bleeding and have questions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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