o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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