2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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