i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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