I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
