You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
