My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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