she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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