Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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