just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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