I wannas sexs uuuuu
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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