that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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