so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
