You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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