My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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