i don't like sucking hair
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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