I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
