I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
