We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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