3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
