What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
