u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
