Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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