it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Threesome in a minivan. New low
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
