I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
