Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
